Holiday Rants w/ Helium Balloons | The Big Blow Up

Holiday Rants w/ Helium Balloons | The Big Blow Up


Welcome back. Okay, I feel like
I dug myself a big hole in the previous segment. Yeah, what do you have
to say for yourself? I just wanna
apologize for anybody who’s gone to
a community college or currently at
a community college. I also wanna take the time
to apologize to anybody who loves cats
and cats themselves, because I know I’ve made
a lot of enemies there. So, I– you know,
no hard feelings
against anybody from community college
or cats. – But you are–
– Sorry. I’m very sorry. Okay. He said it.
All right, the holidays
are coming up and there’s a lot of pressure
to have a fa-la-la-labulous
attitude about it. That’s right,
but the holidays can also be very,
very stressful. Sometimes you just need
to get your rage out, and that’s what
we’re about to do. But we’re gonna do it in
a little twist of a way with some helium filled lungs. It’s time for… Okay, there’s only
one rule here. You can only rage
as long as the helium lasts. Let the seasonal
complaining commence. ( high-pitched )
I hate when people unwrap
their presents slowly so they can keep the paper.
It’s taking you forever. No one wants to be
re-gifted your crappy
reused wrapping paper. It’s wrinkly!
We know what you did! ( high-pitched )
I hate people who
pretend to like eggnog. It’s just alcoholic mayonnaise
with a hint of cinnamon! Bah! I hate Starbucks gift cards. I’ve never left
with exactly enough, so I’m going back
to Starbucks one last time and spending 5.50
out of pocket just so I don’t feel like
I’m losing the 19 cents that’s still on my gift card! I hate spelling Hanukkah. Is there a C,
two N’s, two K’s? Don’t tell me t
here’s three K’s, ’cause that’s
gotta be wrong! I hate that every year
pop artists cover the same five
Christmas songs
over and over again. You step into Macy’s,
you hear “Let It Snow” eight times
before you hit home goods. We have enough versions.
Write some new freaking
Christmas songs! I hate last-minute shoppers. Every year you’ve
gotta tell yourself– oh, I’m so–
I’m so light-headed. I– I sucked way
too much helium, guys.
Okay, here we go. ( normal voice )
You gotta load up
again, brother. I hate last-minute shoppers.
Every year you tell
yourself you’re gonna buy presents earlier,
and yet you’re at Target at 5:30 pm on December 24th making me stand in line to
buy a roll of toilet paper! I need TP.
We’ve been eating nonstop ham! ( high-pitched )
I hate people who wear
ironic Christmas sweaters. What else did you pick up
while you were
at Urban Outfitters, an original
personality perhaps?
Wake up, sheeple! I hate Christmas carolers.
Back away from my house! If I wanted people
wearing too many layers
singing loudly outside my door about times long past,
I’d finally pony up
for Hamilton tickets. I hate the motorized
wicker reindeer that people put in their
front yard this time of year. I’ve nearly wrecked
a dozen times because
I was certain that demon-possessed
reindeer skeleton
was lightly grazing. Speaking of reindeer,
I hate that one reindeer
named Cupid. Wrong holiday, dude!
And what about that
one called Vixen? What the crap
happened there? What, do you think
you’re sexy, Vixen? I don’t think so.
Reindeers aren’t sexy. They just gallivant around,
and they’re pettable, and prancy, prancy–
okay, they are sexy. I hate cats that go
to community college. ( normal voice )
Happy holidays,
mythical beasts. Click through to watch us
have a zombie cuddle puddle with musical guest
Langhorne Slim. Rhett:Card your friends.
Gift card them, that is.
Get your loved ones
a Mythical Store gift card
available at mythical.store.

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