A Society of Harassers How are you, you c**ts?
Written and directed by Andeel
Music by Maurice Louca I had thrice sworn that I would not go
back to your filthy faces. By God, I swear by God.
I’m ill I swear, the doctor told me I suffer from delusions and hallucinations;
Marshal Tantawy appears to me in the corridor at night and tells me things.
You’ve made me sick, may Allah bring destruction on your homes, I’m walking
around hallucinating and have to get by on medication, may Allah bring destruction
on your homes! I was forced like any any addict drowning in a self-destructive,
abusive relationship to go back to you. A filthy, cliched relationship, rooted
in love, violence and mutual harm may Allah forgive me.
I’ve returned to see the dirt you’re stirring up on the internet and social
media, and the shit you can’t seem to get enough of, after I’ve gone hoarse;
sixty years of trying to discipline you while I educate you, and you
are off starting hash tags and solidarity movements and defensive campaigns: going on about
women’s rights and harassment and whatnot. What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Are we going to go crazy again or what? Are you having a cuckoo episode again?
Do you think you’re in Iceland love, you and her? Setting off a solidarity hashtag?
You want to seize the palace and liberate the prisoners too? A hashtag?
A hashtag, you bunch of baskets! Come on love, come on mama’s good
little girl, show your little sister how to smash the patriarchy and male
domination with a hashtag go on love! Go on, go on, go on love! Awww how
cute, you’re smashing the patriarchy with a hashtag! You little cutie, smashing
societal restrictions and upsetting power balances, you wanna do a Miley Cyrus
and ride naked on a wrecking ball and take down the wall.
Yeah you better be sure I’m keeping an eye on all the filth you’re watching!
What’s that sound? What’s that? Go on love, have your #metoo moment;
you’re not any less than the California people, why can they do it and not you?
Do it, go ahead. We’ll do a #metoo, met three, me four and
a me gang bang while we’re at it. But like do a hashtag that represents our
culture, so instead of #metoo in English write it in Arabic, #ana_ rokhra. We can share our stories with harassment,
violations and the latest gossip. Will we share our experiences with
injustice at the workplace? No. Will we share our stories about unequal
pay? No. Will we share our stories about growing up
in a sick culture that raises us to feel shame about our bodies, and not know
what to do with them? No. Will we share our opinions about the
religious narrative that the majority of the population subscribes to, and which
sees us as no better than cattle and mentally and spiritually inferior,
and treats us like trash? Nope. We’re going to use the hashtag to share stories
about sexual harassment! We want harassment stories. Why sexual harassment? Yep you got that
right, because it involves scandal. In sexual harassment, there’s always
a good person and a bad person, an easy, simple story that we can easily
understand and where we can pick a side. A nice, spicy story that causes a sensation
everyone can dive into headfirst, put in their two cents, and fart to
their heart’s content. In the end, nobody is punished.
The harasser continues to harass, all goes on as usual, and the fetid entrenched
values of society remain like the cushion resting beneath the ass of that one guy
who prays while seated on a plastic chair in the mosque. Harassment is the ideal social problem.
What do I mean by an ideal social problem? In brown societies like ours, harassment
is an excellent opportunity for us to jump at each other’s throats as soon as
the debate is opened: six from this side lash out at six from that side, and seven
from here curse at seven from there, and nine from here smear nine from there,
and these people go after those people, and these after those, and we don’t get anything out of it
except for more division and strife, and end up engulfed in more mud,
hatred, animosity, and paranoia. Nobody gives a damn what the woman who
got pinched wants, or what would satisfy her, or if she asked people to take sides
or not. Nobody even knows who she is, we all just want to strip to our underwear
and bray with torches around the tree in the jungle. You talking to me?
Talking to me? Harassment is an ideal social problem
because dealing with it would be an indicator of actual change in the ethos
of life in this country, or any country in which similar incidents take place.
Everywhere in the world there are similar incidents, brown, yellow — they all harass,
they all jump, and they all pinch and run. Maybe in our country because we like
things spicy, our harassment is also spicy, maybe a bit extra. If society, law, public opinion
and the media stand up for women in a situation like this one, it would
be an example of taking the side of the weak versus the strong —
an implementation of justice at the expense of convenience.
A threat to a group which is already more well-protected than the other group,
so like why on earth would I do that? Just sheer stupidity? Why should I go to
all that trouble? What on earth would make me do that? You have a dominant group
in society, stable, got everything set up, and it’s all good, and they enforce their
logic on others through stupidity and force, and society is custom-made for him; the
male is the symbol of society, God bless his youth and the hair on his legs. Why
disturb his sleep, make his blood boil, or take him away from playing ball
with his friends on the street — why tell him, ‘Come here show me what the hell you’ve
done?’ Why? Like why? Like why would I do that?
Why stir things up and cause problems and make waves? Then I have to deal with the
reaction of this buffoon when he feels threatened or in danger. Not just him but
all his other buffoonish friends, who’ll also freak out when they find their buffoon of
a colleague being held accountable for things they’ve probably done too.
Like why create all this fuss? And if I do that, let’s assume
there’s an imaginary scenario from one of the imaginary scenarios you have in
your heads that you vomit on us. One of your naive idealistic whims.
Let’s assume that we really did it, dystopia reigns, the world falls apart:
a man is actually held accountable for violating a woman, that’s it? We take him,
put him in jail for six months, and the whole thing will be over? Are you
guys stupid? The very next day we’ll find 90 million women coming forward
with claims of it happened to me too. Are you guys just idiots? Do you think
we’re just being stubborn, like just out of spite? No, we won’t punish the lad,
so you can toss and turn all night. Nope love, just using brains and logic;
if justice is served in just one incident like this one, it’ll be followed by 60
million incidents. As soon as we know that there’s a third
party in society which serves justice and gives people back their rights, all of
them will come forward for revenge. For every rash finger up someone’s ass
in a moment of boredom on the bus, an entire society will pay the price.
For every rash finger up someone’s ass in a moment of boredom on the bus,
an entire society will pay the price. An entire society. A bunch of pesky flies, a hashtag? When
will you learn, son? Will you ever learn? Are you just plain stupid, boy? Are you
retarded or what, boy? Or what is up? There’s still a bunch of cows who think
that if they write something on social media it will have repercussions on
the ground. There’s still some people who imagine this “shocial media” can be a
space for anything other than barking, barking, and even more barking? Like this
barking show that you like to watch because of the barking. Social
media will…social media will give power to the people, social media can create
solidarity, social media will bake the pudding in the pan, and freedom and
justice, and bleh blah bleh blah. Give it a rest shit pants, give it a rest! When you live in a society where people
actually know how to talk to each other, where they have channels through which they
express their dreams and ambitions, and where they have “shocial media” for all that
solidarity crap, and speed, and technology and all that hummus crap talk of yours.
But you don’t even…you just bray like donkeys son, you don’t know how to talk,
you just bray. Your intellectuals who call themselves
intellectuals sit around throwing shade at each other in the comments section,
and insult each other at events, and do this or that. They can’t even agree on one
idea to unite on in God, or get anything done at all. Who’s there — stop that! Solidarity? What solidarity, solidarity
daddy, justice? Do you even know what justice is? What is this justice? What is
justice? What does justice mean? And why is it even important? Why is
it important for a society to have justice? We’ve been doing just fine
without it for a million years, and it’s all good, no problem. We do everything
normally. You should thank god that this harassment business is only affecting
women til now, but your turn is coming, God willing it’s coming, and you’re taking
the shit for this harassment business anyway. Who are these women marrying?
You lot. Why do you think you’re so frustrated, and can’t get it off on a bed or a
couch? A woman spends all her life fending off packs of dogs every time she
goes out on the street. You think she’ll go home to you and
channel her inner Samia Gamal? Are you daft son? I swear to God,
considering your IQ we’re being very generous, too generous really.
Thank you, and see you again in an upcoming episode of your nutritious
yet slightly hard to digest show — be careful, because I’m doing the show
behind my doctor’s back. I don’t want him to find out that
I’m back to doing these episodes. I want you to dazzle us in the comments
section, with your opinions and thoughts about the kind of lovely values you want
to see in your lovely society. Discuss, debate, theorize and enjoy your
differences in opinion, so as to deflate the balloon, and relieve the constipation,
setting free your giant turd, and you can go back to doing your part
in society, in all its clichéd glory. Normalcy will be restored as usual, til
God willing, you finally morph into carbon copies of your parents. See you
again on another episode of Big Brother.