So? Jee? Ok So basically you… With two stoned guys Started a midnight food delivery service Yes sir! and the three of you trashed your wake and bake business together and fell for a girl as well! What was her name? Tara Ahh, Tara Tara Brara Hmm… That girl… didn’t give you any attention and went off to Rangpo Correct! And somehow you passed your exam… Oni and Body graduated… and went their own ways I didn’t leave anything out from the recap no? No sir… You mentioned all the salient points So Harris my child… tell me After hearing all of that… why the fuck… should i give you a job? Sir, actually my story isn’t over yet Sir, so basically what happened is that Oni didn’t get admission in a foreign university so he came back to Delhi University for his masters and Body failed in 3 exams so he had to repeat the year the three of us were together again But we had to find a house because… Chaman found out about Body and Bahurani And… Wake and Bake? What happened to that? Earth to Haris! Earth to Haris! Do you copy? What do you want man Oni? I already told you man…ask your parents to send some money no? We need capital to restart wake and bake I can’t just ask them for money again and again for no reason they’ll think i’m spending it on drugs and prostitutes Body, why don’t you ask for money? You know how bad it got at home when I failed my exams… they were stopping me from coming to Delhi I’ve saved the Vespa after a lot of effort…tell him man! If Body’s parents hadn’t disowned him, would we ask you for money Haris? So you get you get the money then! Fuck off Haris How’s it looking? So, Vimlendu called regarding the rent… he was saying slide it under the door Slide it? Its not a love letter, why should we slide it under the door? Yeah, even I think he’s quite shady I mean…we’re your tenants, he should come visit… call us for tea there should be some etiquettes no? It’s wise to keep a safe distance… when you have a sexual predator living on the floor above Aye please, Bahurani was the sexual predator ok? I was her prey Alright… I’ll withdraw money from college and come back…you guys keep your share ready Look Haris, let’s do one thing… You give this month’s rent… Then body will give next month’s and then so on and so forth Oni brother, i havent come from Allahabad yesterday… keep your tricks to yourself I don’t have money to waste just like that Really? So last night at ‘Moti Mahal’ Pradhan was sitting with Bobby? and the dior perfume? you walk around like the king of Lucknow and all with Bobby eh? Firstly, Allahabad Secondly, I bought that dior perfume at a 30% discount at the duty free That’s a steal And thirdly, I’m leaving… I have to meet Bobby Oooohhh Bobby So Bambu the movie is playing at 3 at Batra I’ve heard it has a promising actor Harman Baweja And i’ve heard he’s just like Hritik Roshan His dancing and acting is the same Haris…I’ve been thinking I think we’re ready But what is there to get ready about? We’ve watched films before Last week we watched ‘Chunari Chunari’ and before that ‘Dildasa’ I’m not talking about movies here Haris Then what? We’ve been together for two months right? And i think we’re ready to take this relationship to the next level Don’t you think its premature to talk about getting married? I mean I could talk to my parents but only after graduation Sex Haris! I’m talking about sex Not marriage, not movies… Sex! Oh! We’re quite serious about this relationship, you know that right? and I really think we have something special Yes, definitely! So then? So then what? So…tell Oni and Body to get out of the house so we can have some privacy Please! Can we go to your place? Are you mad? My parents are at home you know and we have a strict no closed door policy Alright then, I’ll talk to Oni and Body Great! I’ll see you at 8 ok? Don’t forget to bring the condoms Don’t forget! Girls! No! More girls… Multiplex! Multiplex? Let me repeat my question… What is the one thing our college doesn’t have? Think and answer! One of those heated commodes Right! How the fuck will we make money off heated commodes? How do I know Oni? It’s your plan! I’m thinking… Fashion Society Fash Soc? Why? Dude, our college has every society… we have a debate society, we have a drama society, we have a music society We even have a bloody maths society So why not a fashion society? Bro, but how will we get the money to reboot wake and bake through this? Bro, every year the principal allocates funs to ECA societies On top of that think about how many horny students will turn up thinking its a fashion show One, we’ll get the society money and on top of that the ticketing revenue is also ours That’s right man Oni Brilliant bro, brilliant! I’m saying all we need to do is convince the principal now And then it’s done? It’s done! Bro, this is going to be amazing! Obvio! Swimsuits, supermodels and glamorous after parties Where anything can happen! what the hell are you doing here Oni? Didn’t you graduate last year? Yes ma’am! But i’m here as a concerned Alumni Concerned Alumni? Ma’am actually we need you to allocate 1.2 lakhs of the ECA budget so that we can organize the biggest inter-college fashion show Ok! This year the maths society has cancelled its annual matheletics competition because of some infighting I can give you 60 thousand from there But ma’am we need 1.2 lakhs I can’t care less what you need Oni Either you take the 60 thousand or I… give that money to the botany society for their annual flower arranging competition They’ve been after me for the past two years No Ma’am, 60 thousand is more than enough Thank you for your generosity ma’am Yes Ma’am and you won’t be disappointed…this will be bigger than the Milan fashion week Who’s your teacher in charge? I can’t release the money without a teacher in charge Today Professor Bakshi quit as the head of the eco society Ma’am, can’t we ask any other teacher? Professor Ritu Kumar? She doesn’t do anything… She is taking maternity leave from next week Get Bakshi to agree and I’ll release the funds But this is outrageous Professor Kumar is barely showing… Ma’am, we’ll speak to professor Bakshi Yes Ma’am, thank you! I’d told you guys this was a bad plan No chance Bakshi will agree by us Haris, you’re a very negative guy Haris, shut up ok? Bro, Body…we need to figure something out man Both of you only speak to Bakshi, I have no interest in listening to him speak If you’d asked your parents for money, then we wouldn’t have to go through all of this We need to restart wake and bake man…and we need money to buy supllies and shit Bro, this guy has clearly refused…now we have no other option but Fash Soc Yeah Haris, everything doesn’t grow on trees…we have to convince Bakshi Ok, we’ll talk about all this tomorrow…now tell me what’s today’s plan for you two? Same old man…get high, watch nach baliye and pass out So I was thinking…Bambu the movie is playing at Batra, its a good film…Harman Baweja Why don’t you guys catch the 8 o’ clock show? Only Body and me? And you’ll sit home and touch yourself? Well…the thing is… Bobby is coming over today So why are you taking us out of our own house bro? We need to talk about some important stuff Well, i don’t really fancy sticking to you and Bobby… but what is this important stuff that you can’t talk about in front of us? Guys… I need some privacy please try to understand Ooohhh I get it Get what? Bro…’that’ is going to happen What’s going to happen? Ooohh Sex is going to happen to him? Well done bro Our boy will become a man So please leave the house for two hours…i’m already very stressed Why? She’s dated you for a month now…what expectations can she have of you? I mean, how bad can he fuck it up? Just keep driking water, I’ve learnt from Charlie Sheen that dehydration is the worst enemy Keep your advice to yourself Its our first time so we will just be open and honest with each other Dude, if she was honest with you… She’d make you shave off this Dil Chahta Hai soul patch thing that you have going on right now Don’t stress man, the house is yours…just change the sheets ok? And one more thing… because we’re in this mess because of you…you have to convince Bakshi Yeah Because of me how? You want sex or not? But… Sex or no sex Haris? Think and answer! I’ll talk to Bakshi after class How he walks man… Let’s go Body…need to stick those audition posters Let’s go… Excuse me Bakshi sir? Sir, we’re starting a new fashion society and needed a teacher in charge Go away Haris! Can’t you see i’m busy? Sir…but But what? It’ll take only two minutes Fuck! I just missed scoring a century Are you happy now? This is what you wanted right? No sir, I only… Sir, actually principal ma’am has told us to speak to you… to become the teacher in charge of the society Listen, i’ve already resigned from the eco soc and i have no desire to help those morons put up another fucking nerdy eco fest is Eco something to have a fest about? Sir, this is not about eco soc…we are starting a fash soc Oh God! Another fucked up idea from you hair brained undergrads What the fuck is a fash soc? Sir, actually we’re organizing an inter college fashion show… and need a teacher in charge to access the ECA fund Ohh, ECA fund? Yes sir! Hmmm How much? 60 thousand You guys can pull off the fashion show with 30 thousand right? 60 thousand! Yes sir 30 thousand 60 Are you thick Haris? You don’t get the hint or what? Exactly! I will take 30 thousand to run the fashion show Administrative cost, don’t worry Sir, I don’t think this is allowed Really Haris? No sir, 30 thousand is also alright That’s the spirit Thank you sir! You’re welcome! Haris! Hi! Chain**** I was expecting something more along the lines of… I don’t know… Hi Tara! How’ve you been? So good to see you! But ok, Chenchod’s also not bad Tara, sorry! I mean…I did not expect…sorry… Tara, you’re here? Came to meet my HOD to sort out my attendance you know? I have to take so many extra classes, it’s not funny Anyway… So? Missed me? Yeah, definitely! When did you come from Rangpo? Just two days back only… What’s up with this Aamir Khan from Dil Chahta Hai look? Ohh…new look for the new year You know I like to keep things funky fresh How are Oni and Body? They’re just the same…no change Listen, let’s all meet up…it’s been so long, I have so many Rangpo stories to tell you guys Should we meet today? Yeah, definitely! Ok fine, then i’m going to see you all at 8 ok? Bye! Bye! Hello! Here bro Our fantastic portfolio What is this? These are our photos, we also want to do fashion Write the names! G.K Pradhan.. PRA D H No! No, no, no bro! What do you mean by no? This is a fashion show, so we can’t just take anyone… I know asshole…that’s why we’ve come for the audition Take the audition…come on! What should we do? Tell us! we can give 2-3 poses No Tiwari bro, first introduction and then pose No! No, no need! Ok listen… No offence Tiwari bro, but this is not ‘ Mr Rae Bareli’…so there’s no place here for the two of you So make place dickhead! How do I explain this to you guys? Tiwari bro, this is a classy event…meant for fashionable, cool people! So please leave both of you otherwise… Otherwise what? What will you do? Otherwise I’ll…uhhhh…call professor Bakshi and tell him you tried to undermine my auditions What are you saying sister******? Come outside…your fat ass… Shhh, leave it Pradhan…calm down! The elections are coming up We can’t afford to pick a fight and get suspended now can we? Continue, continue…do your fashion stuff! Let’s go! What are you doing man Body? What are you doing man? Shaved it off? I need to look good For whom? Tara? No man! I’ll tell you what’s happened… Haris here has chosen sure shot sex Over lifetime membership in the frustrated one sided lovers association That means you’re not coming with us to meet Tara? No! You go, have fun! Are you sure? Yeah, yeah Nice man! Proud of you Haris! Sex for the very first time… Hey! Not for the first time yaar… How? He already fucked us…by giving away half of our ECA fund to Bakshi Again the same thing! Did I have any other option? No problem man Oni! We’ll do some cost cutting for the fashion society… And that Billu tent guy from Roop Nagar is a friend man…we’ll get it done! But listen, coming back to the point… Aye! Haris! Haris! You accept the fact that Tara doesn’t give you any attention? What? Tara? Guys we are just good friends… And she gives me the proportionate amount of attention a good friend requires… and anyway, things are different now I’m very serious about her… Who? Tara Uhmm…Bobby! Bobby! Body let’s go…let’s get out of here before things get any creepier Guys it’s been ages…I can’t believe i actually missed you idiots! We also missed you, right Oni? Yeah, whatever…no biggie Where is Haris? Must be at home being all hanky panky with his girlfriend what else? Girlfriend? Haris’ girlfriend…he didn’t tell you? Haris’ girlfirend? Yeah, Bobby! Bobby? What kind of name is that? Tonight Haris and Bobby are going to do it He’s finally going to learn to like Fuck Haris! You’re in there for the past half an hour What are you doing? Is everything ok? It’s ok to be nervous…it’s… It’s my first time as well Who said i’m nervous? I’m not nervous at all… I’m just freshening up…you sit i’m just peeing and coming Sorry, i’ll wash my face and be out How romantic! I’d imagined it just like this Actually, it’s like this in films also…first time Haris Your boxers too Don’t be shy Actually, isn’t there too much light? We should do some mood lighting Can we switch this light off too? Ok! Is this ok? Come now! I’ll put this candle out too What? Now this is good! Much better! I can’t see anything Haris Don’t worry, the thing is in adjusting the retina… Oww Oh Shit! What happened? Are you ok? Yes, yes…no problem! I was just looking for the bed…found it! Wait! Uhh..Haris, condoms? Oh right! I’ll just get it… Should I switch on the light? No, no! It’s my house only, I can find it in the dark… Haris, I’m turning on the light right now No, no! I found it, I found it! Hurry up Haris, just come now! Coming! aaahhh No way! Yeah, that’s exactly how it happened You should’ve seen Chaman’s face, looked like he’ll beat Body up But how did he get to know about body and Bahurani? Let’s just say Body was caught with his fingers in… the cookie jar Yeah, yeah laugh! At the time I was damn scared…Chaman came home without telling anybody He was standing like this Guys…tell me more about Haris’ girlfriend She’s hot Quite! Way out of his league actually… But we don’t like her at all Why? Don’t know… Just like that See, dating her has made Haris more confident We don’t like that We like the older Haris better Text Haris and ask him how is sexploration is going I bet he’s messed this up in some way too You guys are such assholes How are you feeling now? Better I’m really very sorry Bobby It’s ok Don’t worry about it I’d actually even planned everything… And still everything just… No big deal, it’s ok! Actually, I think because of the head injury my blood flow went in a different direction and that is why… Haris! We don’t have to talk about it…ok? It’s fine Want to go for the late show of Bambu? Ladies and Gentlemen Welcome to the first ever annual Ramjhas college ‘Haute Couture’ Fashion Show We would like to thank our sponsors wake and bake who’ve made it possible for us to host this event… and are also the best solution to midnight food cravings So if you feel hungry at night…call 988 Oye! Stop all of this Stop it! Come Munna come… What’s happening here? What’s happening here? Nothing, nothing Friends This… All of this This western culture is there to undermine our culture It affects us negatively and engulfs our distracted souls We will not allow this kind of social exploitation in our university Take it all down fuckers Tiwari brother, what is this? Had your fashion show? Tiwari I swear i’ll make a few phone calls and you know what they can do to you? What’ll you do eh? What’s happening here? Catch them and put them away Take them and go A very good habit you have… Getting into whatever shit there is But now you’ve shat yourselves only Inspector Gulab Singh, we’ve not done anything… We were well withing the college guidelines, we had prior permission from the principal to start the society… to host this event We did nothing unlawful These bloody goons Sir… What? That money… Protection money Which you have given to me with a very happy heart Protection from whom? What happened Haris? You’ve become quiet lately I think last night didn’t go as planned How do people have sex in the dark? It’s crazy man Bro, people have sex in mood lighting No one tries to have sex for the first time in pitch darkness Personally I like the lights on Guys, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore…please! Don’t say that man Haris Talking about your failed sex life is the only consolation we have left now Anyway Tiwari ruined our fashion show… and that inspector Gulab Singh took the ticket revenue away too This year is off to a shitty start man Don’t worry man Oni, don’t stress…we’ll find one way or another to make the money It’s not about the money man, wake and bake was our thing you know? We aren’t good at studying… We don’t have good faces either You know? Let’s be honest…the two of you were the least popular guys in college! The only thing we had was wake and bake… now it’s gone I spoke to my dad… He’ll transfer the money by tomorrow No way! Really? Are you serious? Yeah, really! I told him I’ll start preparing for my civil exams and need money for books and tuition What a guy! This guy! Haris, fucking asshole… Dude! You know what this means right? Wake and Bake is back in business Ohh! This is going to be amazing!