đź”´community discussion about art and expressive modalities to help heal complex trauma

đź”´community discussion about art and expressive modalities to help heal complex trauma


Hey everybody, welcome. Welcome to the global community for adult survivors of complex trauma, Specifically complex trauma brought on by adverse childhood experiences, childhood trauma, childhood abuse, childhood neglect. Hello Shannon, so happy to see you. Hey Poppy, so happy to see you. I’m trying not to bump this thing. Hello to Jen. Hello Jefferey. Hello framily. Hello Ann. Hi Ju. Hi Julianne, so happy to see you. Hello Hunter, high five recovery buddy, what’s going on? Hello Victoria. Hello Lisa. Hi Joey. Hello Malta. So happy to see you guys. Chat is going on, absolutely. Hello framily. Hey Pixie painter, hi, you back. How are you Shannon O’Brien, I’m really happy to see you We’re gonna do some announcements right now, remember that these videos and YouTube in general is never a place, never, ever a place for crisis care or to receive any type of… any type of crisis intervention. If you happen to be in crisis or you’re in need of care, if you’re in need of anything, but peer support in a casual chat environment, then Poppy is… She is posting our information where you can reach out to the suicide prevention lifeline, you can get help for domestic violence, you can get help with self-harm, you can get help with any type of crisis that you may be in. If you’re a survivor of any type of sexual trauma, you can reach out to our friends at Rainn, at our Rainn.org or 1800.656.Hope and really just excited to be here with you all. We’re just gonna sit here and listen to the birdies and look out at the ocean and I am going to just have a very open discussion with you, regarding any type of like art and creativity and expressive modalities that are helpful in moving through complex trauma. Now, I’m not an art therapist, I’m not a licensed counselor or clinician, there are so many wonderful, wonderful expressive modalities and art therapists and… out there, I just… I am not one of them, I am simply a person that shows up here and I share from a lived experience perspective. I’ve been healing from complex trauma, all forms of childhood trauma, childhood abuse and neglect, trafficking, all of it and I’ve been healing for about 17 or 18 years now and I am really just happy to show up here with you every single week. We’ve been here every single week, almost every single week for about 5 years now and some of you, I see some familiar faces and you’ve been around with us here for about five years now and you know, I just… I have to just say like what an honor it is to be on this journey with you. So, it’s a long journey, healing from complex trauma, it’s a very long journey and at the same time it can be very rewarding, but you’re never gonna find the message here on this particular channel while we’re having this particular chat, you know that we’re (quote-unquote), you know “thankful for our trauma”, because it made us who we are and I really just… I’m not certain that that message and that sort of narrative is helpful for many who happen to be at the beginning stages of their healing journey and nor will they perhaps ever be in that place now? I’m not saying that it’s, you know, if you’re in a place where you’re like, wow I’m so grateful for my abuse and my trauma because it made me who I am today and etc, you know if that’s where you’re at then great. That’s fantastic. It’s just not a narrative that I distribute or support here in in these discussions that we have, because you know, it’s a painful thing, it’s a painful thing going through abuse and trauma and rarely is it helpful for those who are at the beginning stages of their journey to hear how you know eventually they’re gonna be grateful for it, because then they feel like they’re doing their healing journey all wrong if they’re not necessarily feeling that way, so anyhow, that’s a little bit about of the discussion that we’re gonna have today. Again, I’m not any type of a licensed mental health clinician or therapist, I’m simply here because I want to show up and I want to spend time with you and it’s just what I like to do and I’ve been doing it now with you guys here for about 5 years and you know I probably will for the foreseeable future. Things do change, format changes, I used to be facing the camera until I realized that you know you sending questions to a select few people and then them sending me the questions, you know I did that for about 4 or 5 years and that was great. I got to answer a lot of questions, but one day I turned the you know, I turned the camera around and decided to practice some self-care and this whole new thing was born and many people seem to love the birdies and they love the ocean and they love the clouds and it’s a wonderful thing and I actually get to feel like I connect with you, I get to spend time with you. So hopefully that’s fine with you and it’s all the same to you. I, you know, I’m gonna continue doing this for a little while and then eventually in a few months or sooner we’ll be doing some art and and some art journaling and the camera will be pointed down at whatever it is. I happen to be creating for art journaling and we’ll have prompts and you all will have an opportunity to participate with me you know, those videos might go actually longer and the initial run and then they will be taken down and then they’ll probably be edited with music put on them and put back up on the channel. So that someone can click on it and… and watch what we create from blank page to finished product. So, I just think it’s I think it’s really important that we find what works for us and that we only do what we feel safe and good doing. So yeah, that’s what we’re doing and that’s where I’m at. I’m gonna move this here so I can see you better. So, hold on, how’s that? Oh, Julian says I really like this format Athena. …much more of a friendly hangout type vibe. Thank you Julian. I’m back over here in the chat box. Oh, ahh, Billy says question for Athena. Last week I gave my therapist some of my artwork and she asked me questions about it. I found it harder to place myself into the artwork as I explained it. I didn’t want it to be about me. Ooh, that sounds like me. I struggle with that, I really struggle with that. Oh, Skylight at Dusk says I am really looking forward to the art video. Thank you so much. I’m really looking forward to them also. I’m really looking forward to them. It’s something that I’m really passionate about. Oh, James is so tired. I’m so happy to see you James. Thanks for making the time to come here with us even though you’re tired. Hi Kyra. Hi John Harvey. What is the picture on the screen? It’s my backyard or it’s my patio, like I don’t know, like it’s kind of just my patio, but yeah, I’m sitting inside a little bit because it’s too sunny, like see how, like see how it’s like really, really bright. Well my, like my skin doesn’t do well… My skin does not do well in the sun, so let me just, let me go like this. Let me turn it like this, like… How about that?, cool. So Vi says I did a collage for my therapist, I put magazine pictures and it was helpful. It was a weird thing I had never done, but it was insightful. That’s awesome. That’s awesome Vi. So cool Jane says I’m in Colorado. That is gorgeous. I love it. Oh, thank you. Um, I love Colorado and it is… I love the mountains. I love, love, love the mountains and not that I don’t love the ocean. I love mountain climates and I love ocean views. I know like it’s a little bit of a dichotomy, but uh, that’s what I love I love mountain climates cooler mountain climates, and I love ocean views. Poppy says this morning I baked a homeless man a cake and I got him a birthday card. I wanted him to know that someone appreciates his life. I ordered… I organized him a bed at a shelter and I bought him a bus ticket. He cried. Oh Poppy, you are such an angel, you are such an angel Miss Poppy.
Thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for loving that man and thank you for just… for making yourself available and for just being so kind, that’s just amazing. That’s amazing Tracy says I draw when I’m angry about the trauma and it just releases pain for me. That’s awesome. That’s really great Tracy So Sharon says Athena, I have a 65 inch TV on and I casted you to the TV on the right. Oh my gosh, that is so cool. I casted you to the TV on the right of 65 inch TV on the left and then I casted you the TV on the right. Oh, that’s so cool. I’m so glad, that’s so cool. So shy Sharon, it’s it’s a little crooked I know it’s crooked. But like you have kind of like a really big picture of the sky and the ocean. That’s really cool Patti says I can’t draw and I’m not good at art, but my wife Pixie Painter is amazing at art, I draw like a two-year-old child. That is so cool, that is so cool that your wife is really good at that and how neat that you guys support one another. That is so cool that you both are here together Patti and Pixie Painter. That is so awesome. Hunter says you rock Poppy. Look I guess I need to move my finger so that it’s not like blocking, right? I’m trying to like be able to keep up with the chatbox, but it’s really hard. Bliss Bliss says it is so good being kind and not lying to others. Absolutely, it is. It’s so awesome. Billy Hawkins says is that common to not want to be into artwork? I also really struggled to be in the imaginary example what happened next in the canvas or where did that path lead? Is that common? Okay, so let’s talk about this you guys. Yes, it’s common and I’m going to tell you why it’s common, at least in my experience and what my trauma therapist has shared with me and what clients have shared with me. So in the case with an adult and let’s say it’s an adult that experienced childhood abuse and let’s say part of the childhood abuse was that they weren’t able to remain invisible enough, but they had made a deal with themselves when they were little that if they were to remain invisible or psychic, they either needed to be invisible or psychic, right? They needed to be invisible and remain out of sight, because if they could be seen then that meant that they could be hurt and so whenever they were seen or they showed up in their life, something happened and they were punished for that or they needed to be psychic. Meaning that if they could gauge the temperature in the room perfect enough, if they could meet everyone’s needs, if they could take care of the alcoholic or the drug addict in the home or let’s say there was one person that was the most abusive, if they could placate that person that was the most abusive in the home, then that meant that the abuse would be less and so they felt responsible, we felt responsible, right? and if… If for some reason you felt responsible or you felt in danger when you were younger and you needed to hide… wait, this is so on point taking more notes to read. Oh cool, okay. Wait. Hi, Athena and moderators and everyone. I made a healing positive collage at my survivor support group, it was enjoyable. That’s so awesome. You guys I can’t keep up with the chatbox. I’m gonna keep… I’m gonna keep talking. I think Angela needed to go. So bye Angela. We love you. um, oh I’m so glad Kyra. Thank you. Hi Miss Beach Boxer, so happy to see you. Okay, so, so yeah, so if you felt like you needed to hide or let’s say you were punished if you weren’t able to be invisible enough or – remember, this involves being perfect enough also. So, let’s say you needed to be invisible or if you were gonna be visible, you needed to be perfect or you were responsible and you were like in charge of your siblings or you were the designated adult because all you had were alcoholics and or drug addicts or someone who was not mentally and emotionally available, then it would make perfect sense that you don’t feel safe being in the representation of what it is that you’re sharing. So does any of that ring true for you? Hello Francesca. Um Let’s see. Oh, Gosh, I can’t keep up with it all. Poppy says I was invisible to my needs or I was defending myself, I became professional at meeting other’s needs and psychic when it came to defending others. Absolutely, exactly. So, so does any of that does any of that resonate you guys? Hey Lance, so happy to see you. Oh Bliss Bliss says yes. Yeah, so that’s totally gonna be the case, right? That’s totally gonna be the case. If that was you… Oops, my door is slamming, you guys it’s windy. So now the doors gonna slam. Hold on, let me… let me try to… let me try to go get that door. One second. I’m gonna just close it. BRB. Okay, I’m back No more slamming doors. So, yeah that’s gonna be a really hard thing, I mean, expressive modalities are fantastic, but sometimes it might be a little bit premature for… It might be a little premature for our trauma therapists or for our helping professional to ask us to be involved in what it is that we are drawing, because it doesn’t feel safe yet and what that usually will indicate Bliss Bliss is that there are younger parts present, right? there’s some unprocessed childhood trauma and when I say younger parts, again I always want to be really clear with what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about little children living in your head and I’m not pathologizing or diagnosing, I’m simply talking about unresolved childhood trauma. Unless we feel it and we process it and we make room for it and we honor it, then those younger times in our life, when we experienced trauma, they’re gonna continue to show up, they’re gonna show themselves. They’re gonna demand to be heard and seen, you know. So what else you guys? what else would you like to talk about regarding art journaling and remember art journaling isn’t something that we have to make it look pretty and make it look good, right? Oh, I missed whatever Francesca said. Someone said bingo. Jane says bingo, but I missed it. I don’t know what it is. So remember art journaling is never something that needs to look beautiful or perfect. It could just be you know, some scribbles like for instance, remember it’s all about honoring those younger parts. If my son scribbled with a ballpoint pen at the bank on a deposit slip, I would put that up on the refrigerator. Why? because he’s my son and I love him and I want him to know that I honor whatever he spends time doing if he goes to the trouble of gifting it to me. Mama, mama, mama, mama mama, I made this for you mama, he would give it to me and it would be him sitting up on the counter at the bank with the ballpoint pen that was hooked up to the little deal where they don’t want you to steal the pen so it’s linked with a chain and then there’s like a deposit envelope, right. Got the bank’s name on it, it’s got holes in it whatever, but if he took time to draw on it and he’s like, mama, mama I made this for you and you give it to me? Well, I’m gonna save it. Why? because I love him and I want him to feel valid and creative and treasured and cared for and loved, you know. So just remember that anything that we do that is for trauma purposes, it’s so that we can honor our younger parts, it’s not so it’s going to turn out perfect and beautiful to our adult self. Joey says my trauma therapist is doing art therapy because I have a hard time expressing my emotions. She wants me to express them through color. I find out there is a lot of red which she says is anger. Yikes. Good for you Joey. Whatever you… however you can find a way to express those emotions that did feel safe maybe we didn’t feel safe expressing anger when we were younger, right? maybe it… Anger wasn’t something that was allowed, maybe we were only allowed to express good emotions what our… in air quotes “good emotions”, right? there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions are good. All emotions are they just are and all they are is indicators. So, but let’s say we grew up in an environment where our abusive (quote unquote) “loved ones” only wanted us to express gratitude or happiness or contentment or silence, you know. So if that were the case, sometimes silence can be triggering for us, because maybe our voice was not welcome. I mean, I’m contemplating writing a book. Someday called Not Drivel – D R I V, like Victor, E L – Not Drivel. Why?, because anytime I would use my voice when I was younger, my mother would tell me, drivel, drivel, drivel, all you have to say is drivel. Everything you talk about is just drivel. Meaningless drivel and if you look up on thedictionary.com or Wikipedia or just google the word drivel, it’s basically saying that I was annoying and then you know, there was no point to anything I was saying and I mean don’t you think that was emotionally scarring for me, if I’m 45 gonna be 46 years old and I’m like seriously still wounded and pained by the fact that my voice was not welcome and that I was basically just annoying and that I wasn’t wanted, I mean this is coupled with the fact that she told me I was… That she wished she would have had an abortion and that I was unwanted and then now compound that with the way that her husbands – plural, treated me inappropriately and what they did with their friends and then let’s just pile on some more of what her husband’s kids did to me and what they allowed neighbor kids to do to me and the bullying and the trauma upon trauma upon trauma upon trauma, you know, coupled and underpinned with being unwanted and unloved and uncared for, just all the things right and then on top of that, you finally use your voice and you’re so excited to have a friend and you’re talking on the telephone with your (quote/unquote) friend and then you’re told that everything you have to say is just meaningless drivel. So, I swear I just want to write a book that is like… it’s like, the title is like Not Drivel, like it would make no sense to anyone else in the world, but me, but I could just… I don’t even freaking care, like come on now. I’m gonna get a drink of water, so just sit here and look at the birdies with me while I get drink of water, okay? Okay, so I got myself a drink of water. Hello to Andrew. Pixie says nope, never tried drama therapy. I can… Whoops, I can hardly say how I feel, that would scare me drama. You know, that… It would be hard, right? Bessel Vander Kolk Holds Us… and so does Dan Allender. Hello Andrew, Jeffrey Sherman. Francesca. Francesca. Francesca says drivel… Drivel is talking nonsense, gibberish, rubbish, mumbo-jumbo, right? like hello, can you say something a little bit more hurtful, like my goodness gracious. So… So yeah, like let’s talk a little bit about like art journaling, right? Let’s talk about what the art journaling is gonna look like, like I’ll have the camera pointed downwards. We’ll have proper lighting. We might be listening to some music and then we… and then if we listen to music while we’re doing that, then we will go ahead and we will probably take that video down so that we don’t get hit with a copyright strike, cuz that’s what happens and then we’ll put it back up so that someone can come and watch that video forever and ever and ever and watch the beginning of the creation all the way to the end and they can fast forward if they want and I might do some time lapse… Oh you guys there’s a butterfly, there’s a butterfly. Do you see the butterfly? Did you see the butterfly? Oh, please tell me you saw that butterfly, it floated by so slowly and beautifully. Oh did anybody see it you guys? Did you see… Poppy saw it. It’s so beautiful, oh it was a monarch. Oh, who else what saw it? Kelly Jelly saw it. Shamon saw it, guys. Yeah, it was so beautiful. Hunter and John Harvey are saying being alone is very addictive.
It is. Yeah, yeah, the butterfly was beautiful. Being alone is very addictive you guys, it’s a self-perpetuating sort of a thing and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, like if we feel that we’re destined to be alone and we isolate and then we just continue to isolate because we sort of prove that we’re destined to be alone, but you know, some mild exposure therapy can sometimes get us out of that pattern and what I mean by mild exposure therapy and many of you know I’m not a huge fan of prolonged exposure therapy for trauma, but it does work for certain things, like, for instance like when I was going through bouts of agoraphobia, it worked with that… there’s a couple of our birdies, they’re back, hello. And it does work, it has worked, at least for me it did and then it also worked for me when we’re taking into consideration body dysmorphia. So I’m spending some prolonged time in front of the mirror, looking at my body, that actually helped me a lot, you know, oh yeah, Skylight at Dusk says it makes sense to be alone, you know when you’ve been so hurt. Shy Sharon says I like to do art or communicate with non-dominant hand art which is working with our younger parts. She says my little. Dominant hand is the adult and non and is her little. I like to write back and forth to communicate with my little. That’s a wonderful Shy Sharon and that has actually proven there’s actually some studies done about that, that it really, really, really does help. Jane says me too, sometimes I prefer to be alone. Jeffrey Sherman says it has to be completely safe – exposure therapy. Yes it does, it has to be really, really, really safe. So for instance if I’m by myself and I feel safe meaning probably I can like lock the door or I know that I know that I’m completely safe and that I’m not going to be barged in upon, then I can practice some prolonged exposure therapy with regards to my body dysmorphia, right? I can spend some time in front of the mirror, really honing in on those body parts that I feel the most ashamed of and that hold the most trauma. Some of you were like what, what did she just say? shut the front door. Did she just say our body holds trauma? Yes, I did. I absolutely did. So I have certain parts of my body that hold on to more trauma than other parts of my body for the very reason that perhaps they were touched more, they were violated more, they were made fun of more, they were traumatized more and the body remembers. If you all have not read Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book, it’s like the colour of my little cushions here, it’s like this, this is the colour Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book. It’s that blue colour right there, yeah. It’s called Body Keeps The Score and it is an excellent book, talking about how there is a trauma body and our body does remember, our body remembers the things that have happened and it’s a really helpful thing for us to honor our bodies and to listen to our bodies, listen to whatever it is that’s going on and what our bodies need, right? Let’s move the camera here so we can see more birdies. There we go. So yeah, there goes the butterfly, did you see the butterfly? The butterfly just flew back the other way. Maybe it’s gonna hang out here with us, you know how some of the birdies will hang out with us the whole time? how cool would that be?, my goodness. So, yeah art journaling is something that I’ve become pretty passionate about, it’s not that I have a completed art journal or that I’m super proud of my art journal, but what I’m gonna do for you guys, for our community, our global community of adult survivors of complex trauma, what I’m gonna do is I’m going to have special art journals and I’m gonna point the camera down and we are going to do journal pages together right, on Mondays. So you don’t have to ever do your art journal, if you don’t want to do it, you can just do it with me. The videos will probably be longer… Oh, there’s a dragonfly, there’s a dragonfly that just flew by as well. They’re, close again, you guys. It’s like animal planet. We have birdies, we have butterflies we have dragonflies, so cool. Look, it’s right there. It’s just hovering on camera. That is so awesome. I hope you all are able to see what I see. So yeah, we’re gonna do some art journal pages and we’ll have a prompt, will have journal prompts, like straight up Katie Morton style, Kenyon’s in the house. So, we will do some journal prompts and we will just see what we create and again, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Oh, one of my little Franklin’s just landed. Is that a Franklin? Uh, no, maybe it’s a dove. There’s a birdie that just landed on one of the trees down below, I don’t know if you can see it, if it’s… in shot, but there’s our dragonfly hovering, our dragonfly loves the camera, maybe it knows, it knows that we’re filming. What should we name the dragonfly? I haven’t named my little birdies. My husband named one of the little birdies because he limps and so my husband calls him Wounded Knee, because his little knee just sort of buckles whenever he tries to walk. So, um, but yeah, so our journal pages are gonna be something that doesn’t ever need to be perfect and I will always tell you the supplies I’m using and you can choose to get those same supplies and you can choose to to do the journal page that I’m doing, like your version of it or something completely and totally different. We’ll do a prompt and maybe like if you want, you guys can send me in photos and your and you could be like hey, look at this photo I took, don’t you think it would be cool to do a journal page on this particular photo and then maybe I would try to like recreate it in my journal or something, like I would draw and then I would paint and we would do fun stuff. So I just think it’s a really healthy thing for us to incorporate different modalities into healing our trauma. When I go for walks and I go for drives and when I do different things, I heal different parts of my trauma, like when I take a cooking class, I heal that younger part that never got to learn how to cook with her mom and when I watch YouTube videos on how to bake, like I think I’m ministering to those younger parts that never got to learn how to bake and like bake cookies with Grandma, you know I mean? It’s a hard thing, it’s a hard thing to grow up in an environment that you wish was different and so we’re gonna heal different parts of us depending on what it is that we focus on and I want it to be a community thing. Oh, Oh, Oh, Okay. So I forgot to ask you guys something and so I’m working with a consultant. At the CPTSD foundation, we hired a consultant to help us with creating the best possible environment for all of you, so here, let me scoot closer to the camera so I can actually see, hold on. So I’m gonna ask you all a question real quick and I want you to answer if you can and if you can’t that’s okay, like let’s say you didn’t get to show up for the livestream, but you’re here on a replay, if you could go over to CPTSDfoundation.org and click on contact form and give me your opinion about the following; That would be super helpful, because I’m trying to make some informed decisions, okay. So this consultant, she’s wonderful. Her name is Christina and she works with a local client of hers, I believe over in the Virginia or Washington DC area and they have something called smart exit or maybe… no it’s called safe exit and I want to know like are any of you in a dangerous situation where the people you live with are not… it would not be a good thing if they knew you watched these videos, like are you in an unsafe situation where someone around you, if they knew that you were a member of our community that would endanger you, because what she’s suggesting is that her client and I think they work with people who are in crisis and what we do is clearly not for people in crisis, ever, ever, ever, ever, but she’s recommending we do a safe exit, meaning that if you’re on our website and you know that someone comes home or someone, you know finds out you’re on our site then that wouldn’t be a good thing and so what you could do is you could click a button that says safe exit and it would take you to like Amazon, you know or something very neutral and so I don’t know, I don’t know if that pertains to us and the target audience that we actually you know minister to or care for or I don’t know if it really pertains to the community I serve, but I know for like domestic violence shelters and like, you know a lot of places that provide care and resources to those who are in crisis, that would be a really good, it would be a really good element or something to integrate. So, yeah, I don’t know… I don’t know if we need that, so let’s see, whatever, let’s see what everybody says. Hunter says yes. Jeffrey says that’s genius. we have two yeses. Vi says it’s the other advantage of living alone to not need a safe exit. It’s true. Julianne says websites such as Childline and Recoveryyourlife, etc have the button and it’s very comforting option to have, okay, okay. Ooh, Poppy said we had a potato troll show up tonight. Hmm. We need to get rid of all them potatoes, they’re not welcome here, my goodness. Skylight says yes. Andrew says that’s amazing. Kyra says that’s a great idea. Jane says abso-freaking-lutely. Tabby Bar says until then use incognito mode in your web browser. Poppy says currently I could use a safe exit, but hopefully not for long. Malta says I’ve permanently moved away from my abuser. Otherwise, I would benefit from something like this. Vi says it’s a good idea. Sharon says it very well could be good for us if we have children or boyfriends or husbands. So yes. Well, gosh, I never would have guessed that you all would have said yes. Jane says that might work. Actually that’s kind of a good idea. I’ve seen that on safe domestic violence websites and it seems to be pretty neat. I think it’s a good idea. You guys, this is so awesome. Thank you. I never would have known that you had a need if I didn’t ask. Oh my goodness. See, I didn’t know, I just didn’t know Well, you have spoken and I have heard. Kyra says yes. Pixie Painter says I says I wouldn’t need that, but I think it’s a wonderful idea for all those who really need it. Well, thank you. Yes. Well, I didn’t realize. Yes. Awesome. Well, it’s settled then, I guess we’re gonna go ahead and I will…I mean, let me see whatever everyone sends to the website, to the contact form… Jane says agreed. John Harvey says okay. Tabby Bar says yes. Skylight says how exactly does it work? Okay. So, um the way that it works is… let’s say… let’s say you are on CPTSDFoundation.org website and you’re in an area that’s talking about, you know healing from trauma, healing from abuse and… Bliss Bliss says yes. capital Y E S. So, let’s say you’re on our website and you are wanting to access resources to help heal from trauma, right? well, then you hear someone come home or someone walks up or someone invades your privacy you would simply click a button up at the top where it says safe exit and it would be instant, it would instantly take you to like wherever we tell it to take you, like Amazon or I don’t know, puppies, who knows. It would just take you to a different website so that the website that… and it would happen in an instant, so that no one would ever know that you were on CPTSDfoundation.org website, because we don’t ever want anyone to be accessing our resources and then feel that accessing those resources has endangered them further, because like for instance, all of our safe groups are secret groups so they can never, ever, ever, ever be found and they can never be accessed unless you’re personally vetted and invited by me or someone I have personally vetted and invited and so you have like a you know, a multiple line of protection type of a thing, not only will none of your family members or your abusers or stalkers or anyone else be able to look at your Facebook profile and see that you’re a member of one of our secret groups, our safe groups, but they will never be able to invite themselves or asked to be a member or anything because not one person out of all the hundreds… I think we’re up to about a thousand if you add up all the groups. Not one in all the several hundreds of different people in all the groups has gotten in without being vetted, not one. They’re vetted, they’re vetted personally. So, now some of the older groups which have people who have been in there for 5 years, maybe some of them, you know were safe at one point and they’re not safe anymore and if they do something which is unsafe, then you know I work with whoever I can possibly work with to remove the people who are unsafe and you know that doesn’t happen as expeditiously as I would like for it to happen, but that’s the idea. So, that’s how it would work. You would be over looking at CPTSDFoundation.org website and then you hear a noise or you just don’t want anybody to know that you’ve been on the website and so you click a little button that says they exit and then boom you’re somewhere else, you’re on Amazon shopping for shoes or you know paintbrushes or chocolate or coffee, I mean come on, because coffee, so yeah. Ooh, let’s see here. Sharon says Angie Atkinson might like that option too. I know you work closely with her. Yes, I do. In fact I sponsor all of her videos and do all of the transcription and closed captioning for the hearing impaired for all of her videos, 100% of them. Shopping for puppies. I agree with James. Skylight at Dusk says can you find the CPTSD site easily again when you are ready? I believe so. It’s just CPTSDfoundation.org or maybe you could hit the back button. I have no idea. I’m not sure yet how it all works, but we can figure it out. We can figure that out. We’ll figure it out together. How wonderful that you all are just like that’s so awesome. I had no idea that this is something you would think was cool. Well, it’s settled then. Yes to all the puppies. I agree with Hunter, for sure. Yes. Can I have coffee while I shop for puppies? Vi says cats. I love cats. Oh, Connie says hello Athena and everyone. I think that’s a good idea.
Oh, thank you, Connie. Yes, thank you. Tabby Bar says I survived redirects to Google… Oh I survived redirects to Google, I’m not sure why. Oh, maybe because it’s something that’s very, you know banal. It’s just it’s just a bland sort of you know, neutral, non-obtrusive, won’t give anybody any red flags sort of a thing. Yeah, I don’t know, but it’s good to know that you guys think it’s a good idea. Lots of hi(s) and hello(s) Welcoming you Connie. We’re really happy you’re here. Shout out to the Mod Squad, you guys are amazing. Thanks for killing all the potatoes. We needed it tonight. Shy Sharon says I keep my computer to myself. I don’t like anyone knowing I am in these groups, not because I am ashamed, but I don’t want to experience a bad reaction again about it. Yeah, I hear you. I definitely hear you and I understand and I agree.
James says I have two kittens. So whoever I end up with must love cats too. They know when I’m sad and they cuddle with me. Oh my gosh, that’s so awesome. That is so awesome. Hi, Billy. Oh, you know what? I… It was Billy Hawkins that said capital Y E S. It wasn’t Bliss Bliss, my bad. It was a B and my… I didn’t have my glasses on. Billy says thank you for being such a light in this world Athena.
I so needed this stream today. I was contacted today about joining one of the groups. Yay I’m so happy. It was an accident, that was an accident. It was a mistake, I didn’t mean to click out of you. I accidentally almost stopped the livestream. I think I lost everybody. I’m so sorry. Thanks for all the thumbs-up you guys, you guys are amazing. Yeah, there are a lots of… Hey Jess, I’m so happy you’re here. Yeah way more trolls, way more trolls. So I have like the mod squad of doom. In a good way. I’m so glad it came back so quickly. Thank you. Yeah animals are extremely healing. Hello Martha. Yeah, the troll patrol. The Mod Squad. The troll patrol. The Framily of Awesomeness. Troll Patrol. Shannon likes Troll Patrol. The Mod Squad of Doom and boom. Doom and gloom instead of doom, exactly. You guys, laughter heals the human soul. I am convinced. I am serious, seriously convinced. I’m so happy to see you Jess. Troll 5.0. James says Athena I know a guy if you ever need another in the Mod Squad. Hey James you know a guy, wink, wink. You know a guy wink, wink, is that a wink, wink? Send me a wink, wink if you’re offering, ‘cuz it’s a resounding yes on this end. Julian says mmmm, fried potatoes. Framily of Awesomeness. Yes. … we are superheroes. Potatoes with cheese are good. Heck yes. Francesca says got to go everyone. Have a good night. Have a wonderful night Francesca, we love you. Oh, I love horses. Yes. Martha says adopting a pet is a beautiful experience. Trolls are out of their minds. Lol. I wonder how many of them are narcissists, right? seriously. Jess says I am hurting really bad, but I don’t want to bring my negativity here. It’s so beautiful here with all of you guys. Oh, you’re not hurting anyone. Just know that we’re holding a safe space for you and that we love you unconditionally and that your pain is real and you’re valid for feeling what you feel and we care about you and remember that Julianne wants a frittata, because Julianne wants a frittata. So, but we love you Jess and we’re really glad that you’re here. We’re one… We’re really, really happy to see you. Connie says I think we should share the potatoes and make hashbrowns. Yes, exactly. Lots of good nights and love for you Francesca. Sharon says Athena, you might want to look at some sark books for healing art. Ooh, yes, yes, ooh. Sharon, will you email me? email me. Will you email me, please? Compose, send; please. Yeah, James says Jess what’s wrong this place is for that, so feel free. Yeah, it’s not for, if you’re in crisis, but if you are just hurting and you want and you want some support, we’re here to support you. Bubble and Squeak. Yes. Hey. Anna says the mods can all do the mashed potato dance. The mashed potato, mashed potato. Do the twist do the twist. Vi says Jess, we are here for you. Martha’s sending you hugs Jess, lots of safe loves and hugs coming out to you Jess. Hunter says frittatas are the real key for healing. I agree Hunter. High-five recovery buddy. James cough, cough, cough, ask and you shall receive. Let’s see, there we go. Boom. Boom, there you are, ask and you shall receive James. Everyone say welcome to James the newest member of the Mod Squad, doing the mashed potato dance, getting rid of all the trolls. Yes, let’s make hash… I definitely want to make some hashbrowns. Can we have butter and just a tiny bit of salt, because I love butter. Butter on hashbrowns with a tiny bit of salt; yum. Whoo, Julianne says Bombay Potatoes. I’ve never had those. And Sharon likes hers fried. Miss Beach Boxer. Miss Beach Boxer says Sharon, I haven’t seen sark books… but Sharon email me about the sark books for sure. Welcome to the Mod Squad James. Art therapy with potatoes. Oh, no Juliann is frozen. Frittatas are the real MVP. Hey poppy, will you add James to our group on… our group on YouTube? I’m so honored that you would want to be here with us. Hi Declan, so happy to see you Declan. Declan says hi everyone,
predators describe their prey as food, so beware, apart from that, it’s all good. Yeah, I do not want to be any predators prey for sure. Whoo, sweet potatoes are healthier and they are more nutritionally dense. Have you ever had sweet potato fries? anyone? anyone? they’re delicious. Malta. Malta says congratulations and welcome to the blue wrench crew. I like sweet potatoes too Jeffery Sherman. Jess says it’s a crisis. I’m figuring out my past, recovering memories, alters are lashing out, my 5 year relationship with my fiancee ended and I am too disabled to work, but now I must force myself to try. Jess you deserve compassionate trauma-informed amazing support, you deserve all the best. Oh my gosh, James, you can never have too many mods. It’s kind of like shoes, you can really never have too many pairs of shoes. Sharon says my favorite is Succulent Wild Women. It talks about journaling with color pencils under the sheet with a flashlight on while in your PJs. Thank you Poppy, thank you for adding him. You’re the bomb. you’re the bomb.com. Whoo, Anna says grated potatoes are quite nice. Vi is sending you warm hugs so that you’ll get unfrozen Julianne, (wink wink) Yes, we have a group James. Oh, Jess, oh, I’m so glad you have another therapist appointment. That’s good. Please don’t give up, you are worth all the support, all the support, compassionate trauma-informed support, please do reach out. Mmm, yes, all the yeses on the sweet potato fries, hello Haha, Jess likes the sweet potato fries. I’m glad this cheers you up for sure. Happy to see you Declan. Ohh, Shannon says that she makes a lot of sweet potato fries in the oven. Yum. Ooh, Kurd, Kurd, Kurd
potatoes. I’ve never had that. I’m smiling at you Declan. I’m sending you smiles. We’re all sitting with you Jess, lots of us are sitting with you. Oh, I don’t know if Poppy… maybe on Facebook right, but can we add him to the YouTube group. Yeah, James says Jess try to give yourself some love and be easy on yourself. Miss Beach Boxer says it’s good surrounding yourself with people on the same path Jess, that’s good. It’s very good. Lance says sweet potato is yellowish and yams are orange, right?
I believe that’s the case. Vi says I like to paint Hawaii. Yes, and you do it very well actually. Bubble and squeak. Ooh… And Glacier Park. Glacier Park is beautiful. James says I love that I’m to a point in healing to help others.
It brings me so much joy. It is the best, it’s the best ever. It is the best ever, James. High fives. So awesome, I’m celebrating that with you. Hello to Patti. Declan says Jess breakthroughs are chaotic and Vi is offering safe hugs to Declan. Uh-oh. Malta says my battery is at 1%. Thanks Athena, sending love to the framily and bye for now. Bye Malta. Ooh Air fryer. Now, there’s more talk about the air fryer. I think I need to figure out this airfryer situation you guys. Jeffrey says way to go bro. Ah Good night, it was a good chat. Oh my gosh, we’re over time you guys, where has the time gone? Hello? Yeah Paint Hawaii in person. Hello. Kyra says, Jess thank you for sharing some of your struggle. I’m so sorry about your relationship, maybe they weren’t the right one for your system. You deserve an accepting, supportive one. I agree Jess, I hope that you’re here and that you and you’re able to just you know heal, heal in a way that feels safe to you, because you deserve that. Yes airfryer’s rock, that’s what I hear, hello. Declan says it’s not good night until Athena says so. That’s so funny. No, if anybody has to go, I totally get it, it’s okay. Oh, no Poppy says OMG I missed my first appointment with anyone this week and it was my therapist appointment. The perfectionist inside nearly died. Oh, no. Oh no Poppy. Yes time does fly when we’re talking about potatoes. You guys are the best. I will… I will hold this safe space for you, Jess, just so you know your dearly loved and cared for, your pain is real, breakups are so painful and we care, we care about you, we care about you a lot and we hope that you get the the help that you deserve and need and we’re really just glad that you’re here, okay? Sending you so much love and just thanks, thanks for being here you all. I’m sending safe hugs to each and every one of you. Bye Declan. Bye everybody. Bye everybody and thanks to all of the Moderators, you guys are awesome. I’ll see you next week 6:00 p.m. Pacific 9 p.m. Eastern, Monday.

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